California Rantin'

Okay, I have two sisters, but the problem with both of them is they are always right and I am always wrong. This is such a problem, that whenever I talk about either of my sisters I can just collapse my conversational topic about whichever one I'm talking about to the generic "my sister". If they are both perfect (which they are, because they are always right) then why bother- how do you distinguish between perfection?

Okay, so I'm talking to my sister on the phone the other day and singing one of my favorite songs (that I've been singing fine for years and years!) and all of a sudden over the telephone, I hear this smirk. (Yes. when my sister is right you can hear her smirk.) "You know,..." (and you can just hear the self-satisfied superiority in those two little words) "...those aren't the right lyrics," she says.

"Of course they are," I reply, "I've been singing this song for years. You weren't even around when the song came out."

"No," she reiterates, "They aren't"

"So what are the correct lyrics?" Can you hear my exasperation?

I had been singing, "...so I got down on my knees and I began to pray..."

"It's 'I pretend to pray.'"

Now I'm absolutely sure she doesn't know what she's talking about! I'm ready to wager a million dollars with her about this, or better yet a hundred million billion dollars. Nobody in their right mind uses two different tenses in the same sentence of a nationally known song lyric. People catch those things and fix them (Well, okay - all of them but Jim Morrison's ill-fated "Make the stars fall from the sky for you and I" Anyway, no one would say, "I got (past tense) down on my knees and I pretend (present tense) to pray." It would have to be, "I got down on my knees and I pretended to pray," and boy does that sound bad!!

I know I've got her! For once in my life I'm right and she's wrong! I'm ecstatic. She's insistent. The conversation ends on a sour note. There is suddenly a wall of smug between us. We both know we are right.

So, of course I have to check it on the web. Why do I ever question myself? I could have lived on in glory knowing how right I was, but no, I had to look. So I google off to http://www.accessbackstage.com/america/song/song157.htm

and there it is, lyrics by John and Michelle Phillips

"You know, I got down on my knees (got down on my knees)
And I pretend to pray (I pretend to pray) "

WHAT!!!!!! It's not possible!! I guess my mistake was assuming that a bunch of drugged out pop musicians would be in their right mind. There is no justice! There is no god! Now I know why the guy in the song is only pretending to pray!! My sister really is always right! Well, it could have been worse. I could be out a hundred million billion dollars!